Saturday, 20 December 2008

50 REPETITIVE MOVIE CLICHES, SEEN IT ALL BEFORE


Repetitive Cliches That Ruin A Movie by Baz Taylor


 


1) Villains have a virtually foolproof plan but haven't counted on the hero crawling down an airshaft.


2) The Villain used to be the hero's boss, mentor or best friend so knows everything about him.


3) The Villain smokes, drinks or swears excessively to show that he's a REALLY BAD CHARACTER.


4) The Hero's mentor gets killed in the first movie, only to return in the sequels as a ghostly apparition. (see Star Wars, LotR, Harry Potter)


5) The Hero ends up in bed with the damsel in distress because she needs 'comforting.'


6) The Hero kills various anonymous henchmen in grisly ways and then makes jokes about it. (see any James Bond or Schwarzenegger movie)


7) The sequels are more ambitious in terms of story but gradually get worse film by film (see Die Hard or Lethal Weapon for good examples)


8) The Villain will beat up or torture the hero, but we know the hero wins in the end.


9) The Villain uses a hard henchman to do his dirty work but in a direct fight with the hero, the villain turns out to be a total pussy.


10) The Hero drives around in a car that makes the audience go 'PHWOAR I WANT ONE OF THOSE!'


11) The Damsel in Distress is some cute actress with talent who has to read out thankless lines and scream a lot.


12) In detective movies, the criminal is always the one who is most helpful to the cop.


13) Action and sci fi movies use loads and loads of CGI and a very loud soundtrack to cover up the script deficiencies.


14) The Hero manages to see a sniper by his gunsight reflecting in the sunlight.


15) During a gunfight, neither the hero nor the villain has to reload the guns.


16) During a car chase, the cars never seem to get damaged or run out of petrol.


17) After wanton destruction, piles of bodies, car wrecks etc the police don't show up and arrest everyone. (This may not be a cliché actually....)


18) In a war movie, why does the hero's best friend always die?


19) Also in a war movie, why does hardly anyone on the heroic side die?


20) In thriller movies, it's nearly always the guy you least expect that's the one everyone is after (see The Usual Suspects, L.A. Confidential)


21) Modern sci-fi movies are rip offs of Blade Runner (see Dark City, The Matrix, Cypher, eXistenz)


22) American action movies have to have lots of fake looking martial arts because it's 'more action packed.'


23) The token buddy sidekick is either a Black or Oriental guy and is there purely to make the hero look good. (see Rush Hour, The Last Boy Scout)


24) There's always some sort of implement that can be used as a weapon when the hero is pinned down by the villains.


25) The hero can suffer horrendous injuries but an hour later he is perfectly fine.


26) An animal that is in danger never ever gets hurt.


27) Officialdom that tries to clamp down on the hero eventually ends up letting him do his own thing.


28) The Villain is so over the top and evil that the hero gets completely overshadowed. (see Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, A View To A Kill)


29) Teen movies always revolve around sex jokes.


30) America saves the world in global disaster flicks or historical movies (see Armageddon, Independence Day, U-571, Pear Harbor, Titanic)


31) The Hero's rival becomes his friend after being saved even though he doesn't deserve it.


32) You can tell when a film is good when it's endlessly ripped off by inferior movies in the same genre. (see Die Hard, Blade Runner)


33) When you're crying buckets at a rubbish film, the director is covering for the bad material. (see Titanic, E.T.)


34) An anonymous henchman will die by being impaled on something nasty.


35) A comedy film that has the jokes in the trailer is not a comedy. It's purgatory.


36) Every comedy has to have a fat guy.


37) There is always a royal flush or a perfect hand in every casino movie (see Casino, any James Bond film)


38) Most locks can be picked with either a card or a pin.


39) A simple car crash has an explosion similar to a petrol tanker full of c4.


40) There is always a bridge opening when in a car chase or large cargo train passing by.


41) The enemy only goes for body shots when the good guy is wearing a bullet proof vest (see Lethal Weapon)


42) Highly trained SWAT teams and Army Special Forces can fire thousands of bullets and not hit anything (see Heat, Con Air etc)


43) A simple game of pool usually turns in to an all out bar brawl.


44) The Hero is always 100% accurate when throwing objects at villains (see The Rock, Crocodile Dundee)


45) A girl who has been beaten up ends up being saved by the hero and the abuser gets the crap kicked out of him.


46) Heroes and villains can drink and drive and not have a crash or drive dangerously.


47) The Villain's wife is always a sado-masochist, a hooker or a lesbian.


48) The Hero's wife is either divorced or separated from the hero or dead (see Lethal Weapon, Die Hard)


49) Costume dramas and RomComs always feature a foppish English type and a hunky bloke who's a scumbag.


50) Villains discuss criminal plans in public places or inappropriate settings e.g. a park or a stylish nightclub.