learning how to touch type this is how its done mate this is how tou houth type this is how tou mate when i think about how stressed ive been at work allot of it has to do with the girl troubles if i didnt have this problem in my life then every day would be a brease i wouldnt even have anything to think about it would all be pretty simple it would all go pretty simple wouldnt have much to really think about and wouldnt really have to be shocked or hold myself back i could just be how i wanted to be and not need some extra details in my mind that need to be checked or thought about , it would be pretty simple and i think that i would have been able to build allot more charector by now , my touch typing skills are not to bad i think that there is still some details that need to be worked on but all in all most of the letters are down , im not using the officail fingers but thinking about it it is what works best for me. being able to write and touch type is a meditation in its self , so what is the plan
its not how i want it to be here , or perhaps its just because im in the house too much and im cramping jack and kats style . mate my days are pretty pointless if im just going to struggle at work then come home and fall asleep, this is pretty pointless way of existing if im just working and sleeping and not having the time to fit in anything else.
step 1 i think is being able to have my energy back
the water challenge hasnt worked as i still feel pretty tired at the end of 8 hours at severn trent
im only there for 8 hours and when you take out the extra one hour that i spend at work then really its only about 7 hours , but as its training its really just sitting around and talking, this is taking allot out of me possibly due to the weight of the things that are on my mind, so carrieng a weight around all day is making me tired.
how can i go to work with this weight and still not get tired, i need to be in more situations where i dont need to think about it, ive got so many mind games running at the moment as well as trying to figure out my own personal life , there really is no stopping this whole thing. work is facing people, facing people is having a mixture of being honest and false and having to act accordingly to comply with the rules of work.
the piss take is this whole situation has been going on for years , i have written the same sentences over and over for so long i know this story so well, i think as its a new social situation and a new job , im just seeing how the same old news is appering in new places , who are the same charectors in this new situation. And once again how can i cope and learn to adapt to this new situation.
As i live well within my means , and its a level which i can easily afford , im still on borrowed time, maybe i should do as my father did and just leave the country and get out of this life , just save up my money and go away.
The student loan are they coming after me if i leave the country.
should i just say fuck it to all this work malarkey, im having trouble leaving my house in the uk and seeing my local area , can i just leave the country and go walkabout , will i get what ive wanted by doing that or does staying here and working with the tools that ive gained so far, fake it to make it as they say. dont know. not sure and still cant figure it out.
All i know is if the current level of experiance goes on for too much longer somthing will crack . im bored lonley i got no love no sex and no one to communicate with that challenges me with out games and bullshit. i got no time and energy for the role that im currently playing the longer im carring on like the sicker i am feeling. like a pressure and a internal strain that cannot be eased in this set of situations , the only release is this pad and the meditation of typing with out looking at the keyboard.
