Start to fill all the free time slots with scheduled activities that will drive you forward towards your goals, most times my calender is like option 1. I have a few tasks that need to e achieved but the rest of the time i am flicking between tasks , doing a little Facebook a little Youtube and not spending any blocks on sustained activity that will promote growth and add to the tasks where i want to live my life
Since ive always had a problem with the snooze button, pressing it every moment , to gain that extra little bit. Ive realised that maybe insted of cutting of my sleep , i should just start my work later in the day. To allow myself the time i need to get up and sorted properly. before i started work at 8 and was haing problems strolling in to work tired. Now i start my day at 12 and no longer have the problem. I can get up shower exercise and eat a healthy salad and breakfast , check the net and do my household jobs all before i even start my days work. I also don’t need to worry about going to bed on time its just so much simpler. At work we have less customers in the evening so i don’t need to work as hard. Usually when i get home at 4pm i am tired and sleepy after a full day of work now, now when i get home at 8pm and im tired and sleepy thats ok because its soon time to goto sleep any way. I don’t need to force myself to wake up to do my household jobs then go to sleep , i already did all that before i even went to work. A bonus of this shift is being able to be free in the day time and see some daylight. I cold go for an hour jog in the morning around the park. Or catch up on all the latest news before going to work. there is not the big rush as there is when you have to force yourself out of bed and rush to work after pressing snooze ten times
As i watched YouTube today i saw a very positive video, it was a raw food video. With matt monark and steve pavlina , you can watch below its a 2 partner. But what i found today is that in order to be a success you need to surround yourself with the people that will help you be a success, get on their energy wave length. Just as my housemates don’t go out so much i have found that i don’t go out as much as i used too. Same as the people who i have in my life seem to be problematic with relationships, i have pulled people in to my life who are having problems with there relationships and i have been in sync with them myself , how can i have a positive understanding of relationships when all i keep seeing is problems and talks of negativity.
I need to start being around the people who are going to bring me up and take me forward instead of staying in the same level of people that are just causing me to have all these difficulties.
As he said allot of the time people fail because they have the best intentions but they associate and think with people who may be negative. Being around negative people, or being around people who don’t have control , or being around people that don’t have many working relationships. Hanging around liars and cheats and backstabbers. Why would someone feel any better being in a pack of thieves. Or poor communicators. Binge drinkers and social outcasts. Just being branded under the same banner.
There is people who think £1000000 is nothing there are people i who just waste everything they have got.
Plan of action start to work insync with people who have attributes that I would like myself. People who have made it and who are doing good. Value an opinion of someone. See what happens. Start to work with people who are seen as normal and have there own property and who are doing well and are in a stable and happy life.
A Little bit of typing for Sunday, so so. Allot of the days seem so short if you don’t watch the time and just follow the situation you will never think it’s taking too long. This weekend has now happened and I’m sure I could have done more but I simply did what I did.
Things I want to do next week, defiantly go swimming. And use the gym. At least 2x I want to do another long walk/run and swimming. I want to do a big shop, or go to a big shop. I want to be in a club for a while or in town for a while on some of these days and I want to finish off a book. Food wise I’m not spending money at work. I’m saving these pounds. Going to be using that money more constructively.
Maybe do a little trail running in the peak district. Imagine that doing a little night run, that mainly what its gona be like anyways.
Been reading a book known as Born to run, I forgot how much I enjoyed reading nonfiction books, it’s good to see that what you read and the amazing stories are actually researchable and you can really find the people in the stories. Which I find truly inspirational and amazing and undoutoubly wicked and sweet.
Imagine Running home, doing the 60 miles trip on foot. Wow could that be even possible in a day. IL be walking over to see you. Don’t worry about the car il just be running over to see you, for all I know it might even be more of a cool journey to run it. Or technically it’s doing it by jogging. It would be allot easier to just go through the night and with a torch. Imagine the fields and all the crops and trees and the simpleness of the whole task. How long would it take for someone to prepare for 50+ miles? I know that driving is super sweet and takes allot of fun to do, tonight’s drive was nice down some long and thick roads. Clouds and all the sort, but imagine trekking this hour after hour of the bliss of the heavens before you. Nice cream and purples. Dusk
Dusk, I can see this every day. It’s an awesome frame of time when the sky turns red purple and blue and gray. The objects in the forefront turn black and crisp against the back drop. Almost like some HD artist’s impression of a skyline. Its funky, it’s fresh and it’s a treat for the eyes. Probs going to get some shots of the derby Dusk. I think that camera would need to be of a high calibre.
Awaiting a relationship. It’s one of those situations where I keep thinking what the fuck, how come every one seems to be finding it so easy to meet people and have relationships. 1 I can never find people and 2 I can never have relationships. I don’t know why it’s just something that hasn’t happened in my life. It’s one of those things that happens so randomly that when the situation arises it’s often gone before I have a chance. Or it’s such a brief coincidence that it has had pretty much nothing to do with me. So after the chance situation has been and gone I’m left in the dust and thinking wow wtf just happened. So still none the wiser and when people ask me what I did or didn’t do I really don’t have much to say other than , err I’m not sure really. So not sure and being now 25 with a bunch of people who I don’t care to be around. What do I do? How do I make something out of this mess that is created? And why do I have to live this life where the situation is a fucking mess. The whole storey has unfolded so far in too a few years of a fucking shameful existence. A load of wasted time and a lot of fucking wasted time.
The problem is as well I’m so pissed off with the whole thing but also I’m really relaxed about the whole thing. Being below average is a relaxing state. It’s a weird storey where I am playing out a moppet and saying stuff that I really don’t connect with. The question why am I in derby. What would happen if I just left and went on walkabouts? Just saved 2 or 3 grand and then did 1. See where it takes me. Brazil and see those beach beauties.
Nah maybe not, I think Derby has all the culture I need. Or maybe not. It’s just one of those places where once your there it is very difficult to get away from. It’s in the middle so you think by being here your doing the right thing. But at the same time there really is only a few places. It’s on the doorstep of the peak district.
MMM not too sure, this should be good, more people’s problems to be solved by myself and its all for your water. How can I help you get your water, situations sorted? If you need your water I’m here to help sort it out. Let’s get the STW people done and sorted for they need water and we can’t be the ones to abuse our power.
Got a fucking ulcer in the back of my mouth, right on my throat and its pissing me off, how can anyone enjoy having ulcers they are one of those things that are there and really are shit. I had an infected eye 2 weeks ago and now I have an ulcer right near where I swallow, so the act of swallowing aggravates my ulcer in the back of my mouth. Why it’s so annoying to have this. I have no need to have this ulcer in my throat; it doesn’t serve any purpose for being there other than to piss me off. What is the use of an unclear; it’s a pointless thing to happen. I’ve been getting these allot recently. and they do my nut in they are red and swollen and sensitive and just lurk at the junctures of my throat with their little annoying pain and uselessness. OK give me an ulcer for a day or two sure flare up do your thing and then get going. But to hang around for a week, what does it want. Why after a week is it still there. ulcer what do you want from me hey? Can you now go away I don’t need you; you are an unwanted guest in my mouth. Hello be gone now!! I mean come on, I eat sensibly, I have enough sleep, I have a good level of exercise and a practically stress free life. And whaddah u know I go and get tired after work, I get a huge infection in my eye and an ulcer in my throat. What is the matter? This is a pointless thing that is holding me back once again. I have no reason for it. My immune system should have destroyed this already.
Why does the immune system take so long sometimes? I mean if I feel all good and healthy when something goes wrong it should be cleared up almost instantly. Not take a few days to pop up then hang around sore and swollen for days and days. Sort this shit out. I’ve gargled salt water I’m doing my bit. So solve this anomaly in my internal structure. Move the cells where they need to be and sort this ulcer out. It should be this simple. I don’t want to have ulcers and my immune system should just store that so if I do get 1 it gets cleared up fast and then they learn to never let that happen again. It doesn’t need to be there.
Should I eat tomorrow? I need to make simple foods. Perhaps the ulcer has come from my new little tip drinking warm lemon water each morning. That is an acidic drink. But also could have burnt my sensitive mouth. Water warm water. Now thats whats going to solve this. Last night, I kept waking up because I was so thirsty but I just went back to sleep instead of making the 10 second journey to the tap. UP drink and then go back to sleep. Not up think about water, think about going to sleep.
Water and lemon I can’t give it a full review just yet as I think it may have caused some side effects. Perhaps I’m not ready for its healing properties.
I drained myself.
I think I should have not but I did and now do I move forward or does this make really any difference.
Next week volunteer allot and be happy. When you know that you need to go up the fear and the dread of waiting to be called out can be solved by just calling yourself out. Go up get it done and sit down. When they come up to make a selection, you can sit happy knowing that you have already had your go.
Maybe next week I need to do something completely different. I’ve done the gym the swim and the walking. Maybe fix the bike and ride that for an hour or two. Look for a massage get the goggles. Though I really didn’t think it was that bad it would be nice to see under the water.
Is there any challenges or ideas I’m perusing at the moment?
I think apart from the touch typing and trying to get out the house seven days a week and drinking more water what else is there I need to add in. I’m also trying to do a daily session of Pe jelq and stretching. To gain better health. I would like to see Dusk all next week in different places. How about driving to the peaks or a nice place and viewing dusk there. Or a little Dusk run. I think save my money on the Vibrams although I do want them in the short term I’m gona go for the Nike frees , I will look for these next week. They look pretty good for what I want in the mean time and if I get the colour I want then they will serve as a good every day trainer. As well next week more more more. Will write another 1 tomorrow. Would love to go and see chase and status. That would be awesome.
When the mood changes.
People and myself think that they are stuck in a rut. How can this be true when moods change in an instance. Feelings and moods and energys can be changed in a second and stay changed until some new stimulus apears. I was very refreshed and happy after a hour long run, i had seen allot of different things and places. I had the runners high you get when you have pushed yourself for a period of time and feeling happy. Conteneted i walked in to my house and knocked a load of freshly washed sheets all over the floor , in an instance the memory and feeling of the run were taken away. And i felt a bit clumsy and stupid.
After having a nice hour in the pool and swimming and once again feeling the nice tired feeling acosiated with having exerted myself. I was walking home and got in a situation with some rude passers by, heckling and cojoling. I found that in that instance the good vibes had been forced to one side.
The negative feeling and patterns that sometime replay over and over. The guilt and worrie these can all be lost in seconds. It takes some action to just have other experiances, places and people. Some new stimulus to remind you that life moves forward and is contained in the current moment.
Same when i feel any other jelouse feelings or regret, just get away from the current situation. If you are obsessed with a girl and cant get her out your mind , then walk around a town. There will be so many distractions that it will put the whole thing in to perspective.
Going around i love how some situations just fall in to place correctly. People as a whole always have a way to iron out the bumps. Some times just stay with a situation and eventualy the most efficiant and productive pattern will emerge.
With my new job i am still in the stage where i have to think about what i am doing , but soon i will be able to sit back and see the process happening infront of me. This is how i like some processes to be.
working on the touch typing. still doing an hour a day touch typing i think, keep working at it and eventually i will be able to do it this is how you touch type. I still need to get my accuracy up a little.
Went for a swim today, went swimming i found it a little trickey. Just a little not sure why.
Found a cat ball, in the garden. It bounces pretty darn good.
Nice little blonde ahh i do enjoy these. Only downside is she is a smoker. What are people doing smoking, Its really bad for health. Nice little blonde. Nice body. But probably poisoned a little on the inside.
Say my new call center today , it looked good . Very nice. I will have to go down there and check it out some more before. Oh yea tell the guys about it.
Feeling a little envoiuse today, my friend is going to university and it seems like this guy is going to have the experiance i wish i had. I can only congratulate the guy for his achievments and personal mastery. But i cant help to compare myself either. after all if you can see your dream or other wishes being played out in front of you how can you not marvel and wish to learn some of the rules. So yeah very nice to see people doing well. Its nice to have positive role modles, people who you feel proud to talk to and understand. Another nice little moment today was finding out how a college celebrates there birthday. The key fact was well planned suprises by her friends, well planned events can be very profound if done right. It only takes a little bit of effort to enjoy situations that are far from the ordinary. A little planning and events can come together. Those little moments.
Was happy for her also today. Nice little treat. What could i plan, some ideas. Places and treats. All sweet experinaces that just require a little effor and imagination.
So im all swam out , not all typed out. But as tomorow is an early start, i think this day is pretty much all played out.
Some girls profile’s say i need to be screwed. Read these they are really intresting. Facebook is a cool way to keep together.
I am going to be reading a book called Born To Run over the next few days so this is going to be a further update on the whole thing.
Swimming pools are a good place to practice flips. Roles and flexibility.
Walking experiance
Decided to take a little walk round my local area this evening, just a walk to get some air and forget about what is happening, i think the thing about being outside is you have to focus on the moment, if your thinking and daydreaming like you do when you are inside then you could get hit by a car or maybe walk in to a situation with people who could jump you. so i enjoy just walking around freely. dont take the mobile dont take any money just have your keys. i may start to take good quality gloves as well, so that when the situation for some climbing or a little gymnastics in a field seem to come up my hands will be protected as well.
i often walk past trees and places that can be shimmied across or explored , but as my hands have mainly been exposed keyboards and cocoa moisturizers , then i think that nature may be a little rough on me.
its back to uni time again, i was a university graduate , i spent 5 years of my life in the university experiance. as i walk around now as i did tonight and see all these fresh new hopefulls i almost feel sad, that for one my experience is over and also that these guys all have the same niaeve look about them that i did. they have yet to be run down by course work. and come to the end of the university experiance with a roll of paper a headfull of ideas and a teacher pointing to the exit . then its over and it is back to square one, the same pool of jobs that everyone else is fighting for, the same competition. the world doesnt owe you a job because you studied. The fun chores and the rota’s for hoovering and washing all seem to be a sick little joke as if it all matterd , when its all played out the university had you on a little string like a puppet for 3 years , theve made there money , given you a little bit of fun and now you have been processed. its over congratulations, here is your prize and now see you later. Dont get me wrong i would do it all again in a second, why not it was a fucking imense experiance . to even try to break down the whole thing would be impossible. the scenarios and random subtle lessons of the whole experiance were so good. i think its really just a shame that i am starting to feel older. although i am not old now that i am in the rat race the days are passing with a simple sameness. a pattern that is so simple that i can play it out over and over before i even stop to look at a calender.
the only thing that seems to break the cycle is the ever aproching christmas and birthdays.
didnt i just give you a gift, wow its that time again only 80 days to go.
As ive dreamt about items and studied the internet for the next thing that i need to fill the gap , what could you possibly give me that i havent already considerd. Each thing has its own particular place and has ticked the boxes. Give me a gift of somthing i will hate, just so i can feel somthing other than indifference and the obligation to show a level of gratitude that is to you socially just.
I would pay for bad service just to experiance somthing other than the job process.
I find it hard to concentrate when she is around, it makes the most simple task so difficult. she is the finest distraction, as i try to look forward i cant help me see beyond this beuty that is in the corner of my eye , this sweet and sickly distraction. i try to make excuses and pick fault the reasons why i should not look but, these imperfections as subtle as they are only increase the the texture and depth of the image as i look deeper and deeper and get pulled away from everything else, all colors and energys are drawn towards her. i cannot look , a table and a wall seem so ugly they beg me to look away and her beuty shines from all areas. i am stuck i holding my breath, i am sitting in this feeling. i am touching a little , just enough to see that this is a real situation i find myself in. i look down and her feet and mine are almost touching our body language is saying we feel the same. i try to show her but i know that she will see what ever she wants to, i have taken my fair share of hidden glances in her direction which she will never know about. i have wonderd about her and thought about many conversations and poems to sing to her, but when we meet words are usless i am stuck in the silence of the moment just looking her way.
learning how to touch type this is how its done mate this is how tou houth type this is how tou mate when i think about how stressed ive been at work allot of it has to do with the girl troubles if i didnt have this problem in my life then every day would be a brease i wouldnt even have anything to think about it would all be pretty simple it would all go pretty simple wouldnt have much to really think about and wouldnt really have to be shocked or hold myself back i could just be how i wanted to be and not need some extra details in my mind that need to be checked or thought about , it would be pretty simple and i think that i would have been able to build allot more charector by now , my touch typing skills are not to bad i think that there is still some details that need to be worked on but all in all most of the letters are down , im not using the officail fingers but thinking about it it is what works best for me. being able to write and touch type is a meditation in its self , so what is the plan
its not how i want it to be here , or perhaps its just because im in the house too much and im cramping jack and kats style . mate my days are pretty pointless if im just going to struggle at work then come home and fall asleep, this is pretty pointless way of existing if im just working and sleeping and not having the time to fit in anything else.
step 1 i think is being able to have my energy back
the water challenge hasnt worked as i still feel pretty tired at the end of 8 hours at severn trent
im only there for 8 hours and when you take out the extra one hour that i spend at work then really its only about 7 hours , but as its training its really just sitting around and talking, this is taking allot out of me possibly due to the weight of the things that are on my mind, so carrieng a weight around all day is making me tired.
how can i go to work with this weight and still not get tired, i need to be in more situations where i dont need to think about it, ive got so many mind games running at the moment as well as trying to figure out my own personal life , there really is no stopping this whole thing. work is facing people, facing people is having a mixture of being honest and false and having to act accordingly to comply with the rules of work.
the piss take is this whole situation has been going on for years , i have written the same sentences over and over for so long i know this story so well, i think as its a new social situation and a new job , im just seeing how the same old news is appering in new places , who are the same charectors in this new situation. And once again how can i cope and learn to adapt to this new situation.
As i live well within my means , and its a level which i can easily afford , im still on borrowed time, maybe i should do as my father did and just leave the country and get out of this life , just save up my money and go away.
The student loan are they coming after me if i leave the country.
should i just say fuck it to all this work malarkey, im having trouble leaving my house in the uk and seeing my local area , can i just leave the country and go walkabout , will i get what ive wanted by doing that or does staying here and working with the tools that ive gained so far, fake it to make it as they say. dont know. not sure and still cant figure it out.
All i know is if the current level of experiance goes on for too much longer somthing will crack . im bored lonley i got no love no sex and no one to communicate with that challenges me with out games and bullshit. i got no time and energy for the role that im currently playing the longer im carring on like the sicker i am feeling. like a pressure and a internal strain that cannot be eased in this set of situations , the only release is this pad and the meditation of typing with out looking at the keyboard.
